Catching Screams
Filed Under (General, History, Musing, Ranting) by Morbid Romantic on 02-11-2006
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(No Ratings Yet) | Prologue
mosaic-floored mis-swoon
“i dare say you will find him very agreeable.”
Chapter 1
Okay. The fact is, I want a boyfriend.
I want someone who’ll hug me and kiss me and hold my hand.
The unfortunate truth of the matter is this, though: no men are interested in me.
Not a one.
Now, I don’t know why this is. I sit around and think about it… yes, a lot. I ask myself, “is my personality bad?” Or, “Am I not attractive?” (No, I don’t count the creepy guys who email me asking me for more pictures of me.) I wonder often why the opposite sex doesn’t seem to like me… in a romantic way. I have lots of guy friends, but I don’t want just another guy friend. I am absolving myself to the fact that I just may be single forever. I’ll just continue to stare in the mirror and wonder what it is about me that men don’t like. Maybe I’m fat and ugly and I just don’t know it.
I’m becoming increasingly fatalistic.
So, here’s the deal…
I give up. I am giving up on the want for a relationship completely. If there ever IS a man who decides to like me (hopefully in the next decade), he can just come out and tell me and do something about it. I’m tired of exhausting myself lamenting my sad, lonely, matronly fate.
Fuck. That.
But, there is something that no one can take away from me.
Masturbation.
Chapter 2
I get asked a few questions quite a lot. So, I will now give you the answers to those questions. The questions, though, are left for you to guess.
- Donnie Darko
- Black
- Lip, tongue, bellybutton, ears, and both nipples
- Andou Daisuke
- Last December, but he had to wait eight years and he used a belt
- Asakura Daisuke & Iceman
- Blood and Gold: or the Story of Marius by Anne Rice
- “The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep…”
- Either Kuroda Michihiro or Dave Gahan
- Two
- Dir en grey
- Salt Lake City, Utah
- Ancient Rome
- Hair, spiders, and the dark
The questions are for you to decide.
Chapter 3
“Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent and do the first works; or else I am coming to you swiftly, and will move your lampstand out of its place, unless you repent.” - Revelations 2:5
Chapter 4
“I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.”
- Donnie Darko
Chapter 5
The Pieta (Mary Lamenting the Dead Christ) Baciccio (1667)
Epilogue
“I know nothing, because I know too much, and understand not nearly enough.” - Marius de Romanus (The Vampire Armand- Anne Rice)
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ugh i know what you mean about wanting someone for a romantic relationship. i’ve been simgle for a while now and i think it’s affecting my brain or something. it’s been for several years off and on, really. i mean, i’ve had girls i’ve dated, but it’s not really been serious (mostly fix-ups… bleh), and pretty well nothing for a year now. i’ve been told that it’s not because i am unattractive, but rather it’s that i dont smile a lot and i don’t make eye contact with strangers (male or female). i don’t know if this is true or not, or all there is to it, but i’d thought i’d share. for all the good it’ll do either of us. i think part of it has something to do with my inability to feign interest in something i couldn’t care less about and that i’m a terrible liar. i HATE lying. also, i’m not interested in, you know, a cheap fuck or anything like that. i too am looking for a little warmth, hand holding, little kisses on the cheek and things. i want someone i can snuggle up to under a quilt on the sofa and watch a movie or something. that sounds so lame saying out loud, as it were, but as i said, not about to lie about it. and well, it’s been “dry” for so long that i’ve pretty much gotten used to it and stopped looking ages ago. i’m resigned to my fate. we should start a club or something.
and yeh, THANK THE LORD JEBUS FOR MASTERBATION. amen.
Response: I wonder what’s wrong with us that we just can’t do anything about our singledom. I’m not a very good liar, either, and I’d rather zone out into a fantasy world than entertain someone who bores me. I don’t think wanting to cuddle and stuff is lame at all. That’s exactly what I want, though frequent sex would not be a bad thing at all. I could do with some of that. Daily is my preference. What should our club name be? The Losers Club (wait, does Stephen King own the rights to that?
)? The Lonely Club? Hm… Masturbation is God’s greatest gift. If he hadn’t intended for us to do it, he wouldn’t have put it within arms reach.
I have nothing of worth to say, really, but I really like this entry. The structure and the content. Er, well, I am not sure if that’s what you wanted to hear. I can’t relate to whatever longing you are feeling, although sometimes I wish I wasn’t so lonely. If it’s any consolation, I’m sure you will find someone (or someone will find you) - you deserve it.
Even though school has forced us to memorize that poem a million times, “Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening” is one of my favourite poems.
I really like Diru’s new song.
Hope you feel better or something. If you aren’t. I’m so bad at this. Such an awkward commenter, I am. Uhm…okay!