Family is less than family
Filed Under (Family, General, Musing, Ranting) by Morbid Romantic on 25-07-2007
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(No Ratings Yet) | My sister’s boyfriend’s mother is visiting for a while to spend time with her son and the new baby.
Well, my mother goes to visit today after a ten hour work day to see my sister and the baby (because she adores him and can’t stand to go more than a day without seeing him) and guess what happens?
Now, before I get into it, let me say that I didn’t hear about this until about an hour or so ago after my mother finally confides in me while crying. We were making dinner together and talking and it just slowly starts to come out bit by bit. I know my mother very well, so I know when something is bothering her or when she is skirting an issue; I knew while we talked that she was upset and to keep probing for details as she reluctantly gave them to me.
Apparently today, oh so happily as can be, my sister’s boyfriend’s (Patrick) mother tells my mother, “And when Virginia’s (my sister) 3-year contract is over (at work), they’ll be moving to Arizona.”
And summarily broke my mother’s heart.
Arizona is way away. Far away. It would be impossible for my mother to ever see them again where she is now because she doesn’t have that sort of money and they sure as hell won’t ever spend the money to pay and bring her to them or come and see her.
So, my mother’s heart was literally breaking because when they leave, so does all that she has ever wanted as far as family goes. All she has ever wanted was to be a grandmother, to have us around, and she can’t have that. She said, “That woman already has a daughter and a grandkid and now she’ll have all of them and I’ll have nothing. She has her daughter and her grandson already, and I want mine. I want that, too.” I know that she doesn’t mean to be petty, but but she feels like someone is taking away something of hers, not something physical, but emotional. Someone is denying her the chance to be able to feel the sort of love a family can give and to give that love to everyone else. Someone is denying her the chance to finally feel like her life is worth something.
And when I say someone, I mean all three of them.
It’s true. When my sister leaves, she’s gone. I mean, I don’t tell my mother this (though I think she knows it), but my sister doesn’t give the slightest crap about us. Especially now that she has her boyfriend who thinks we’re scum (he never says it, but we know he thinks we’re trash). He doesn’t want us to be a part of their new family and my sister is more than happy to get rid of us no matter how it hurts us. Rather, how much it hurts my mother. It’s so, so hard to hurt me anymore.
My mother knows that Patrick thinks that she doesn’t deserve to be equal to his family in anyone’s eyes. And neither does my sister. My sister is perfectly willing to let this happen. She’s perfectly willing to break my mother’s heart, to fit in with another more worthy and respectable family because she is already following their lead.
I told my mother that it was Patrick’s mother who told her this and not my own sister because my sister doesn’t want to deal with hurting her feelings. It’s not that my sisters CARES. No. She’s never cared, never. It’s more that she doesn’t want to deal with the stress, because all my mother is is a needless burden to them. My mother’s feelings have never been a factor in how my sister does things. It never has been.
So, forget them.
I mean, am I supposed to respect them? My mom and I go to bring them things that we had personally packed and carried in from their own apartment to help them move and what happens? Patrick is annoyed because my mother is in his parking spot. We’re there to bring THEIR crap, for THEM, packed and carried, and he has the audacity to get angry because my mother is in his spot, a spot she is in so that she doesn’t have to limp so far (she has bad legs) to carry in their heavy boxes herself.
No respect for us. Personally, I could care less about the me in that us because I don’t want respect from people like that. But, it makes me mad that someone could be so disrespectful to my mother.
And my sister puts up with it. Because SHE has no respect for my mother.
Anyone who so thoughtlessly hurts my mother, who doesn’t even consider how she feels, is nothing to me. I get so mad at the way that they hurt my mother again and again. Sometimes it not so much the way they hurt her but the way they disrespect her. What makes it worse is that I can’t do anything to help make my mother better. In the end, I can’t really comfort her crying or doubts, or the sadness she feels as again life beats her down and people treat her like she’s worthless garbage, not even fit to be around them. Like she’s disposable. That’s what my sister treats her like. Like she’s disposable.
She feels like trash around them because they treat her that way. Even my sister. And she cries so much because of it.
I swear, if they hurt my mother this way, I will never speak another word to my sister for the rest of our lives. I know this won’t phase her, I do, because she has never really cared about me that much. She’s too judgmental of everything that I do; no one who cares about you would really treat you that much like nothing.
I love my mother so, so much, and I hurt for her so much that it feels like my own and I’m so heavy with it. I know what it’s like to have everything you’ve ever wanted taken away. I know what it feels like to be completely empty of anything that has happiness attached to it. I know this because I’ve been hurt so much that I’m absolutely empty inside. It’s just the hurt of the ones I love that I feel and the anger and the resentment towards the people who do this because I don’t want the people I love to end up like me.
I want so much more for them than that. And I’m so helpless.
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