Morbid Romantic

bringing you quality randomness since 1981

Alright, my Life has been drastically altered these past few days. Yet, my life still is and still feels very much the same. It doesn’t feel like anything has really changed and I am waiting for something to happen to make it feel that way. So, I sort of feel dynamic, like I will feel finalized at any moment. I just don’t… yet. Not at this moment.

May 9th, 2008

A few months ago, in February or March (I don’t remember which), I got an invitation from the University for an Outstanding Graduate Luncheon. I know that this has something to do with my GPA and the fact that I am graduating Summa Cum Laude.

What I figure, with my obviously big brain (that’s sarcasm, not arrogance), is that the lunch is being held as general recognition to every graduating senior with a high GPA. Maybe, like, the top 5% of the class, or something. And yes, even with my supposedly big brain, it still doesn’t strike me as odd when the History Department itself calls me while I’m teaching (and leaves a voice mail) asking if I am going to be attending this lunch.

No, this doesn’t strike me as odd. I don’t feel even so much a twinge at the oddness of the History Department itself calling me personally to ask me if I am going to be attending some lunch that they’re not even sponsoring.

Well, apparently, I was winning an award that no one notified me of. I didn’t find out until I get to the lunch and my sister opens up the program and sees my name listed under Academic Achievement in History.

WUT!

No shit. See:

I won an award. Rather, me and a guy tied since we both had the same GPA. NO ONE TOLD ME THIS! No one told me that I was (tied) the number one student in the department. Professors sure as hell never let on. And they sure as hell didn’t treat me like I was special (which, for the record, I wouldn’t have wanted anyway). It’s just that at no time did any one say anything of that nature to me. I really, honestly was NOT aware of this.

While I was at the lunch, the chair of the History Department put the bug into my ear that I need to get a Master’s Degree. To be honest with you, I hadn’t really been considering it. But, she was really encouraging and really pushing it on me (she mentioned it more than once), and she made it seem like she had confidence in me. Hell, she even gave me a note offering to be a reference for me, which is pretty awesome. You know you have a good application when the CHAIR of the department wants to give you a reference.

So, now I want to go to Grad school. I just have to work out the details. I mean, since I hadn’t been considering it, I never took the GREs. I have to take them in order to get into Grad school. I also have to figure out where my finances will come from since all assistantship positions are full. Maybe I can get scholarships or something. I don’t know. It’s either do that or wait for the next full school year so that I can apply for an assistantship.

But, for right now, step one is to take and get a good score on the GREs. I am still getting my teaching license and I can substitute or something while I’m preparing for Grad school. If I get an assistantship, they will give me a living stipend, so I won’t have to sub while I go to school.

It’s just all so much! Before that lunch I had my path all mapped out for myself. Now I have a whole new path, a new door. My path isn’t a straight line anymore, it forks and I need to decide which road to take. A part of me is really, REALLY liking the sound of a Master’s Degree, though. I mean, I want it now. I have my hopes up.

I sooooooooooooo want this.

May 10th, 2008

I was dreading graduation day. I did not want to walk; I didn’t not want to participate in the services. But, I did because I knew that my mother wanted to see it; my mother wanted me to. I would have done anything not to get up that day, participating in a stupid ritual. I hate being the center of attention in those sorts of things; I don’t want eyes on me.

I wanted nothing more than to go home.

First, I had to stand around and wait, like, two hours for the stupid thing to even begin. I was so bored and my feet were already starting to hurt. It was also hot as all fuck. I was happy when it was time for the ceremony to begin because it meant doing something. Unfortunately for me, my feet and my very short legs, we had to walk from the Webb Center to the Ted Center. A LONG walk… in the wind and rain. My hair was frizzing up fast, which is always does when it touches the wind and rain. I was so, so tempted to turn around and go wait in the parking lot for everything to be over.

Yes, wanting it to all be over… the feeling of this only grew stronger, more intense as time went on. I must have read the program ten times. All the speeches, all the names, all the awards and people clapping, it was boring.

Chris Matthews (of Hardball) was the guest speaker. All he did the whole time was talk about politics. And when I say talked about politics, I mean talked about John McCain. He also made the absolutely absurd and laughable claim that Ronald Regan is going to go down as one of the ten best presidents… what!? He really said that. I snorted out loud, but fortunately, no one heard me. It was almost as funny as Chris Matthews verbally sucking John McCain’s old dick. He spent about 30 seconds on Obama and Clinton, but made sure we intimately knew how special McCain is. Really. He’s on a college campus and he thinks he is going to find widespread Republican support? What a doof.

When it was time for me to have my name called, I was relieved. It was the moment of truth for me, which came complete with pictures and people all over the place wanting to shake my hand. I hate those sorts of moments because I always feel out of sync with them.

Now, they said that the ceremony would be two hours at most. Two and a half hours later, it shows no signs of stopping. Fortunately, Alfee, my mom and my sister come up with a plan… well, it was only Alfee. He tells security that there is an emergency with my mother that I have to leave immediately for, so they let me go.

Thank GOD.

Granted, when they first drop this bombshell on me, I am in the dark about the ‘lie’ behind it. I think that there really IS something wrong with my mother and I am freaking out! But, she was okay and outside waiting for me so that we could go to dinner.

On a good note, I was mentioned five times in the program. I think, from what I can tell, I have the most frequently mentioned name. HA!

See?

Now… gotta go about grad school…

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