Morbid Romantic

bringing you quality randomness since 1981

On July 4, 1776, America claimed its Independence from their colonial masters in Britain. Americans of the thirteen colonies fought from 1775 and 1783, the war ending with the signing of the Treaty of Paris; many gave their lives for the hopes of freedom, Democracy, and the pursuit of creating a nation that was our own and not an extension of a power overseas. What began with the first Jamestown settlers in 1607, men like John Smith and Captain Christopher Newport, ended when America won their Revolutionary War. The iconic moment of this era is the signing of the Declaration of Independence on 1776, on July 4th, in which the Fathers of this country put on paper what America was meant to be about. This is why the 4th of July is such an important day to Americans all over the nation.

Regardless of how you feel about the country now (because trust me, I am very angry at my elected leaders right now), at least recognize what Americans have died for on this very soil. Remember the brave soldiers who joined little more than poorly equipped farmer’s militia and fought against the better organized and more modern British army. Don’t forget that men like Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Paine passionately defended the ideas of republicanism that came to shape what our country is about.

Though not perfect, we have to concede that nothing is. Nothing ever has been. That is why we must keep trying. Unhappy with the government? Get out and VOTE. Register now so that you are ready for the presidential elections. Pay attention to what our candidates are saying. Don’t sit around and ignore all of the campaign information with little interest in voting if all you are going to do is complain about the state of our nation. CHANGE IT. Forget that, “our votes don’t count” crap. That’s pessimism at its finest.

So, as a little gift for everyone:

Feel free to take. It’s a present from morbid-romantic.net to you. With all of my love. <3

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I’ve come to realize that though I am indeed a history lover, a history teacher, and a history buff…

There are just some parts of history that I hate.

There is boring history, history that even bores the crap out of someone who is dedicated to it.

…

An old teacher emailed me, my Teaching in Social Studies Methods teacher, and asked me if I would be interested in coming to speak to one of her classes in April about my teaching experiences. I wonder if I should. I need to decide in the next few days so that I can email her and make arrangements of when to come.

Oh, the stories I can tell.

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I put up three new essays. They will be, of course, edited as I see fit since no matter how many times I read and correct, I always miss one or two mistakes.

• Religions of Asia: A comparison and contrasting of the religions of Asia, how they influenced development, and how they are significant to the history of Asia.
• Rome and the “Struggle of the Orders”: Highlights of some of the most important events in the “Struggle of the Orders” in Roman Republic history.
• Rome’s Early Expansion: A brief discussion on some of the ways Rome was able to gain and maintain a large territorial state during the centuries of the Republic.
• Virgils The Aenied and Rome: A brief paper discussing the conditions under which Virgil wrote The Aeneid, the significance to the Roman people, and how The Aeneid has influenced us today.

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We got to talk about one of my favorite historical figures today: Lyndon B. Johnson.

I don’t know why, but he is one of the most forgotten president’s in recent history. People don’t give him enough credit for what he accomplished. Lyndon B. Johnson is just a hazy figure between John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon. We hear so, so much about those two, but all we hear about Lyndon was that he led us into the Vietnam War (ignore, of course, that every president since Roosevelt had increased American presence and participation in Vietnam). Johnson made a mistake. A BIG mistake. Because of him not wanting to be the President to lose the Vietnam War, he ended up killing a lot of boys. The Vietnam war was sort of the event that really humbled America; it knocked us down from the pedestal we had put ourselves on after two successful wars and affluence.

It wasn’t Kennedy who passed the Civil Rights Act or the Voting Rights Act. True, he messed up when he decided to support both his Great Society and the Vietnam War, but I sincerely believe that underneath his boorish and self-gratifying persona was a man who did genuinely want to do something GOOD. LBJ started Head Start. Those are only three pieces of a very large series of legislative accomplishments.

Unfortunately, most of what LBJ did turned out for nothing. Some had modest success, some had to be completely cut (Community Action, for one), and some where later revoked by successive Presidents. I do agree, too, that some of Lyndon’s programs (loosely Affirmative Action) encouraged a welfare state. I think so.

But, I still think that it’s a shame we overlook him as one of the greatest Presidents.

And for you:
Tom Paxton- Lyndon Johnson Told the Nation <— Anti-War/Anti-LBJ protest song set during Vietnam war

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In my European History class, the professor emphasizes how important Christianity was to the status of Roman women.

He says that under Christianity, the dignity of women was determined by God, not by man. Virginity was prized as opposed to the standard that all Roman women had to marry and have Roman babies…

Yet, I can’t see anything better in Christianity than in the Roman social structure. How can this be better for women when men dominated the very structure of the church, too? How was this an escape from a male dominated world when they were really leaving one only to enter another? God is a male figure, certainly not sexless. When God is referred to, it is as a ‘He’ or ‘Him,’ not as an ‘It.’

And, what is the use of living if there is no sex?

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Yes, I feel it necessary to celebrate Black History Month before it comes to a close at the end of this month. It’s the history major in me, what can I say? I feel that it’s necessary that we look back and remember great people who don’t get their names printed in textbooks, people who have changed this country for the better. To change not only history but the mindset of longstanding culture is a show of bravery that I don’t think many of us can understand. We easily take our freedom for granted, never thinking twice about the people who risked everything for it. For us. In the 1960s, African Americans struggled against the white power elite, most of whom were determined to keep them at a subhuman standard of life, denying them the simple civil liberties enjoyed by the majority of affluent America. No longer willing to submit to cruel and inhumane injustice, they banded together and attracted many outside to their cause.

December 2, 1955: Mississippi Bus Boycott. This dedicated demonstration led to the eventual 1956 ruling that bus segregation was unconstitutional.

1957: SCLC, the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, led by Martin Luther King Jr., is founded. One of their founding principles was nonviolent protest.

1960: SNCC, the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee, is formed. This was a branch of the SCLC that was populated not by middle class adults, but young adults, many still in college. Some important members of SNCC include John Lewis (now a Senator), Diane Nash, and Cynthia Williams (who rode a mule through small towns in Alabama to organize African Americans).

February 1, 1960: In Greensboro, North Carolina, four young students stage a lunch counter sit in that spread throughout the United States as other groups mimicked their tactic for desegregation. Previously, in places such as Woolworth, Blacks were allowed to shop but not sit at the lunch counter to eat. These passive protesters stuck to King’s doctrine of nonviolent protest, many taught the principles by Robert Moses.

1961: SNCC, CORE, and the NAACP begin a Voter Education Project.

1961-1964: Blacks and Whites spread throughout the deep south to education voters and register them.

May 4, 1961: CORE, the Congress of Racial Equality (and later SNCC), begin the Freedom Rides from Washington DC to Alabama. The Supreme Court had ruled it unlawful to discriminate on facilities used for interstate travel, but the ruling hadn’t been enforced. James Farmer, leader of CORE, decided to force the government into protecting them by arranging a freedom ride of Blacks and Whites. They encountered much violence, even so far as to have one of their buses bombed, but continued on. In the end, Kennedy ordered for them to be protected though they were arrested afterwards. The ICC released orders that seating on interstate carriers was unlawful.

1962: Michael Harrington publishes The Other America, the first of its kind about poverty and displacement in America. One of his proposals for solving the ills of America is to grant African Americans Civil Rights.

September, 1962: James Meredith is denied the right to attend the University of Mississippi (Old Miss). The federal government has no choice but to step in and order the school to allow him admission.

Spring, 1963: SCLC begin a campaign of desegregation and voter registration in Birmingham, Alabama, one of the most segregated cities in the United States. Even when Bull Connor sets dogs and firehoses on them, they don’t relent. Many end up arrested and in jail, so the younger population of African Americans pick up where their parents left off and protest in their place. Much of what went on is highly publicized and shocked America. Martin Luther King Jr. is arrested and kept in jail where he writes his now infamous letter.

August 23, 1961: March on Washington.

November, 1963: Robert Moses comes up with the idea of holding a Freedom Election. Disenfranchised African Americans cast freedom ballots in a fake election. It’s widely successful and showed the voting strength that African Americans had if they could only be assured voting rights.

Summer, 1964: Freedom Summer begins. Mass voter registration drive of both African Americans (mainly SNCC) and white college students in the South. There’s much violence and death, the most widely publicized being the murder of Chaney, Schwerner, and Goodman.

Summer, 1964: As part of the Freedom Summer, Freedom Schools are created. These schools teach not only the basics of academics (the 3 Rs), but also politics and African American history.

Summer, 1964: Frustrated with the conservative Southern Democrat power, the Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party is established. Their goal is to replace the segregated Democratic power in place and replace them with legitimate leaders. Though they only gain two seats, they are still given the assurance that any party of the future would be desegregated.

Summer, 1964: As part of his Great Society plan, Lyndon Johnson passes the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Basically, this bill said three things:
- Public facilities had to desegregate.
- African Americans had the right to vote.
- Schools had to desegregate if they wanted federal money. If they failed to do so, the government would step in and force integration while removing their federal funding.
Though the Civil Rights bill was a big step in the right direction, many Southern states still found that African Americans remained disenfranchised because of tactics of fear, literacy tests, taxes, and grandfather clauses. A voting rights bill was necessary.

March, 1965: Protesters march from Selma to Montgomery Alabama over the Edmund Pettis Bridge. The first attempt is stalled by violence. A second march is arranged, this one led by Martin Luther King Jr. At the end of the bridge, King is given an injunction to stop the march. If he did so, Johnson promised a voting Rights bill. In 1965, the Voting Rights Bill became a reality.

*Excuse some vagueness. I did this all by memory, so I couldn’t recall all the details and names involved.

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I was in the bath tonight, soaking because I was cold and tired and it feels nice to be submerged in soapy, hot water, reading a new book called Living With the Bomb: American and Japanese Cultural Conflicts in the Nuclear Age by Mark Selden and Laura Elizabeth Hein when a few things suddenly came into light for me. I found my moment of epiphany immensely significant, too, especially given my choice to one day be a Social Studies teacher. As such, I’ll be required (and licensed) to teach World History, US History, Government, Economics, Art History, Sociology, Psychology, and Geography.

Essentially, the bulk of my duty will consist of creating responsible, well rounded, politically aware, patriotic Americans. All one needs to do is pick up a high school history textbook to notice that there is a very obvious and distinct pro-patriotism and American feel to it. We teach that no matter the victim, America is right and America is good.

I came to this when I was reading the aforementioned book and it pointed out a few things about the dropping of the atom bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

1.) Americans are never witness to the actual human devastation of the blast. Our government has made a conscious decision to keep from us the images of suffering so that we can maintain our detached stance on the event. Instead, we see a dehumanized mushroom cloud amidst victor music, amongst propaganda that this was in fact the only way to win the war.

2.) Japan and America has both, in their own politics and versions of history, played themselves up to be the victim of this war while announcing the other the side as the aggressor. America stated to its people that it must drop the bomb in order to stop the war and save American lives (because how do you defeat an enemy whose credo is to fight to the end and never surrender), and was an act of revenge for Pearl Harbor. Japan has ignored its previous aggressions against Manchuria and Korea, giving no attention whatsoever to the fact that the Japanese had not given much thought to the people they were conquering and destroying. That is why in America you see the burning ships of Pearl Harbor and the mushroom cloud and in Japan you see the victims (yes, innocent victims) of radiation enmass while hearing the radio broadcast of the Emperor villifying the US and their bomb.

Is either side wrong? Yes. Both. Both America and Japan is guilty of the same thing, though neither side wants to take the proper responsibility for their guilt.

More importantly, on a wider scope, I realized how history is taught. Rather, it’s something I’ve always know– I’m not naive or inexperienced in the field I am entering. But, now I have the perfect examples of the disparity between what happens, what is perceived, and in turn, what is taught. In the end, you can’t blame the children or the citizens that are turned out because people are taught to see the world a certain way.

I remember reading Tim O’Brian’s ‘The Things that They Carried,’ which was a book written about his experiences in the Vietnam War. Except, this book used the external as a means to express the internal. The most powerful chapter, I think, was called ‘How to Tell a True War Story.’

A true war story is never moral. It does not instruct, nor encourage virtue, nor suggest models of proper human behavior, nor restrain men from doing the things they have always done.

If a story seems moral, do not believe it. If at the end of a war story you feel uplifted, or if you feel that some small bit of rectitude has been salvaged from the larger waste, then you have been made the victim of a very old and terrible lie.

[...]

In a true war story, if there’s a moral at all, it’s like the thread that makes the cloth. You can’t tease it out. You can’t extract the meaning without unraveling the deeper meaning. And in the end, really, there’s nothing much to say about a true war story, except maybe “Oh.” True war stories do not generalize. They do not indulge in abstraction or analysis.

For example: War is hell. As a moral declaration the old truism seems perfectly true, and yet because it abstracts, because it generalizes, I can’t believe it with my stomach. Nothing turns inside.

It comes down to gut instinct. A true war story, if truly told, makes the stomach believe.

[...]

For the common soldier, at least, war has the feel - the spiritual texture - of a great ghostly fog, thick and permanent. There is no clarity. Everything swirls. The old rules are no longer binding, the old truths no longer true. Right spills over into wrong. Order blends into chaos, hate into love, ugliness into beauty, law into anarchy, civility into savagery. The vapors suck you in. You can’t tell where you are, or why you’re there, and the only certainty is absolute ambiguity.

In war you lose your sense of the definite, hence your sense of truth itself, and therefore it’s safe to say that in a true war story nothing is absolutely true.

- read the entire chapter here

In World History books, everything has a European feel to it. In the matters of conflict and comparison, the European way seems to come across as the ‘right’ way. There’s a tendency, too, to favor certain nations like Britain over others like Spain. There’s no hesitation to ’scold’ Cortez for what he did to the Aztecs, but English Colonialism is explained in justification terms. Why? Because we have more in common with the English than the Spanish, who are culturally different from us despite their location on the European continent. Whether this the fault of society, textbook makers, and teachers is an important question. It is deserving of a ‘maybe’ answer. In part, also, I think it’s the tendency of any culture to want to see its own as supreme. This isn’t isolated to America despite all International perceptions of American arrogance.

Back on track, as soon as America is established in the timeline of documented history, World History textbooks lose their lean towards Europeanism and favor Americanism. The change is obvious, I don’t know how people can miss it. Suddenly, the virtuous (and yes, sometimes admittingly wrong but never horrendously so) Europeans are now the villains of freedom and liberty.

There’s always a right and always a wrong. In a world made of up of variety, such distinctions can’t be as cut and dry and clear as they are made out to be. What is right for some is wrong for others, and vice versa. America feels it has nothing to apologize for to Japan for the atom bomb. Britain is not apologetic for the economic burden they insisted Germany be placed under after WWI. Russia feels no guilt for supporting Communist North Korea prior to the WWII surrender of Japan. France ignores its easy capitulation to Hitler.

So, there lies my juxtaposition.

I can teach children to be good and patriotic Americans by maintaining the status quo and teaching the proscribed and accepted version of history, or I can transcend that and give them more meaningful knowledge. Instead of teaching them to be good Americans, I can instead teach them to be good members of a world community that questions, that values, that doubts, and that respects. Isn’t it a far better thing to become worldly rather than Americanly? Sure, children get a good World History class, but that’s not enough. It’s not enough to teach them cultural acceptance. Beyond acceptance, even, towards respect and understanding. Mutual cooperation inspite of differences.

What to do, what to do.

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Prologue
mosaic-floored mis-swoon

“i dare say you will find him very agreeable.”

Chapter 1
Okay. The fact is, I want a boyfriend.

I want someone who’ll hug me and kiss me and hold my hand.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is this, though: no men are interested in me.

Not a one.

Now, I don’t know why this is. I sit around and think about it… yes, a lot. I ask myself, “is my personality bad?” Or, “Am I not attractive?” (No, I don’t count the creepy guys who email me asking me for more pictures of me.) I wonder often why the opposite sex doesn’t seem to like me… in a romantic way. I have lots of guy friends, but I don’t want just another guy friend. I am absolving myself to the fact that I just may be single forever. I’ll just continue to stare in the mirror and wonder what it is about me that men don’t like. Maybe I’m fat and ugly and I just don’t know it.

I’m becoming increasingly fatalistic.

So, here’s the deal…

I give up. I am giving up on the want for a relationship completely. If there ever IS a man who decides to like me (hopefully in the next decade), he can just come out and tell me and do something about it. I’m tired of exhausting myself lamenting my sad, lonely, matronly fate.

Fuck. That.

But, there is something that no one can take away from me.

Masturbation.

Chapter 2
I get asked a few questions quite a lot. So, I will now give you the answers to those questions. The questions, though, are left for you to guess.

- Donnie Darko
- Black
- Lip, tongue, bellybutton, ears, and both nipples
- Andou Daisuke
- Last December, but he had to wait eight years and he used a belt
- Asakura Daisuke & Iceman
- Blood and Gold: or the Story of Marius by Anne Rice
- “The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep…”
- Either Kuroda Michihiro or Dave Gahan
- Two
- Dir en grey
- Salt Lake City, Utah
- Ancient Rome
- Hair, spiders, and the dark

The questions are for you to decide.

Chapter 3
“Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent and do the first works; or else I am coming to you swiftly, and will move your lampstand out of its place, unless you repent.” - Revelations 2:5

Chapter 4
“I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.”
- Donnie Darko

Chapter 5

The Pieta (Mary Lamenting the Dead Christ) Baciccio (1667)

Epilogue
“I know nothing, because I know too much, and understand not nearly enough.” - Marius de Romanus (The Vampire Armand- Anne Rice)

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Nothing saps your soul of happiness and makes you want to just die quite like writing a paper on ancient grain shortages.

Pause this blog. Phone call…

….

Okay, that was my new friend Lion. His name isn’t Lion, but he told me to call him that since I’m inept at pronouncing his real name. He’s from Korea and we met today when he asked me to have a conversation with him because he wants to practice his English. Then asked me to have dinner with him and tried to make me eat fruit xP. He just called me to ask me what time I am going to get out of class tomorrow so that we can meet again and talk. We’re going to meet tomorrow at 3 outside of BAL.

I like Lion. He smiles really easily. We talked about everything today: the seasons, his University in Korea, his major (economics), my major (history), X-Japan, our mutual dislike of sweet things, how salty and gross ham is in his country, Korean Thanksgiving, the required Korean military service, … etc. He’s a nice guy.

At least I made a friend.

What was I talking about before I went off on my tangent?

Oh yeah, soul sucking history papers.

I’m trying to limit my ambitious nature. The last paper I turned in was 11 pages and it was only required to be 4-5 pages (that’s is much too short if you ask me– how can anyone say anything in 5 pages). Hey, there was no cap, just a minimum. And I had a lot to say. But, when I reflected I realized that I needed to start simplifying myself or else that burning ulcer I wake up feeling in my stomach is only going to get worse.

To switch topics in a very anti-climactic sort of way, I made a list today of all the things I am looking for in a guy. This list is subject to addition and subtraction.

Valorie’s List of Guy Qualifications
Have hair (but not too long)
Clean nails
No driving work trucks
No liking/watching sports, especially ultimate Frisbee
No wearing polo shirts with the collars flipped up
Tall
Thin
Non-homophobic
Can learn to love or respect my affection for any genre of music that has a synthesizer
Capable of sympathetic and compassionate control
Likes mild S&M
Tolerant
Likes porn (esp. Japanese)
Not chatty or overly talkative
Limited foreplay (it’s so boring)

There we go. That’s what I am looking for so far.

Popularity: 7% [?]

I just transfered $200 from my savings into my checking account, which is always a little depressing. Every time I look down, I see that one book that cost me over $100, and it just makes me angry. That’s a lot of money for one little textbook that I am going to sell back and only get around $30 for.

I was able to get books for two more classes. One class, my eastern history credit (Japan in the Era of Revolution) has eight books. EIGHT! That’s insane!

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.
- Voltaire (1694 - 1778*)

That’s how they always seem. But, maybe that’s my bourgeois perspective. Most of the people I talk to sound ridiculous to me. Except if I like you. If I like you, I won’t think bad things about you. So far, that’s about… ten people (all the people who comment here are on that list. I like you guys!)!

We took this test online to judge my Nohari. Someone put that I was aloof and cruel. Honestly, I know that I’m insensitive (hence my own results). So, I’ve decided to try to be nicer to people because I’m very not, not, NOT nice (except to people I like). Instead of ending everything I say with, “you fucking idiot,” I am just going to THINK it. I’m going to smile and laugh things off. Why? Because everyone else (you know who you are if you’re in the ‘everyone else’ category) is a fucking idiot.

You guys should tell me what you think of me in my johari and nohari indicators. Only if you KNOW me, though. If you don’t know me, then you obviously can’t answer.
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
- Dan Quayle (1947 - ), 5/22/89

George Bush said the most important issue in America is gay marriage. Nevermind the needless war, oil dependency, energy efficiency, the after effects of poverty in the wake of Hurricane Katrina… but gay marriage.

What. An. Idiot.

I’m sorry, but I can not support a government that denies its citizens the right to be human. I’m all for laws, because it’s my opinion that the more laws there are, the better the quality of life Americans have. Why? Because we weed out those people who would hurt us, impede on our rights. But I also strictly believe that the right laws must be in place. We need better and different laws. Let’s have stricter gun control and let gay people marry if they want to. Let’s stop funding a war and put money into the American school system before an entire generation slips between the cracks. Do something about all the SUVs on the road!

George Bush and his horrible administration is restricting American’s rights to the wrong things!

In democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
- Mogens Jallberg

Okay, the history major in me likes this one. I read it and laughed outloud.

I could prove God statistically.
- George Gallup (1901 - 1984)

Majority vote.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642)

Maybe not even God could ‘foresee’ that it would be his very existance that people would use as justification for forgoing those qualities.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire (1694 - 1778*)

I’m still waiting for my punchline. I really feel like that sometimes.

Maybe I’m just losing faith in everything around me.

But, it always gives me a sort of… sense of pride in the world when I read about enlightened countries. It reminds me that the world isn’t going to hell. Sometimes, when I read the news or see the news on tv, I’m reminded of the TS Eliot poem, The Hollow Men.

And yes, yes, I DO read a lot of news. See? This is my start page:

My two favorites are the New York Times and the Christian Science Monitor (no, it has no religious bend to it– if it did, I wouldn’t read it). Both of them were recommended to me by a professor that I had eons ago, Christine Drake. But believe it, people. I am up at 6am listening to NPR (lately, that has been right before bed).

Oh my god, a recent picture of me!

It was taken just three days ago. My cheeks look really fat. Seriously.

I just want everyone to know that the Yuki-Eiri.com Gallery is almost at 950 members after only a month. I also just finished up the Sakurazuka-mori.net Gallery. That was a lot of uploading.

Look at what I got! It’s panel 39 of the Bible Moralisee.

It goes well with the other illuminated manuscript page I have from the Privledges of Ghent and Flanders (no picture ) and this Byzantine style Last Supper.
And no, I am NOT at all religious. I’m just a history major/teaching who loves the Middle Ages. A LOT. History calls it the dark ages, but the Middle Ages is one of the most fascinating time periods. The iconography, the superstition, the religious fervor… I get so worked up just thinking about it.

Wow… I just rambled… I am going to just… work on smilies now.

And Collin, it’s because you do shit like this that makes me like you so much more than most other people. I laugh so hard I cry. You should fix commenting on your site, though, so that I can comment there.
That World of Warcraft orgy was kind of whack, though. You know only fat uglies play those kinds of games. I don’t care how they photoshop up or angle the camera, they ain’t a size six.

Popularity: 8% [?]